I am by no means 50 years old. Not old enough to fib about my age at the doctor’s office, which will be discussed in greater detail when/if that day comes.
However, I am fortunate enough to have two best friends, one in her early 50s and another in her late 50s, that I speak to almost daily. And the conversation we have ranges from what are you having for dinner to what is the point of it all while maintaining a level of calm and confidence and thriving-ness in life that I aspire to one day attain and am envious of now.
It is reassuring to realize that the crazy of worrying about if we’ve done all of the loads of teen-age laundry yet and arguing over who is going to load the dishwasher isn’t it all. And with this in mind I thought it would be fun to ask around and see what I’ve learned about making your 50s fabulous, or at least what others think makes someone’s 50s fabulous.
So here are a few gems that have been shared with me. Enjoy.
1. YOU CARE WAY LESS ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK
Random people’s opinions don’t faze them. If they said something weird during a conversation and then start thinking about what they said afterwards?
Unlikely to happen. They have edited their list of whose opinion matters down to a short list of people and invest their emotional energy accordingly.
2. YOUR CIRCLE GETS SMALLER (AND WAY BETTER)
They are enjoying deep friendships. Friendships out of obligation have been culled from their lives.
Friends that bring drama aren’t welcome. My two friends are examples of women I enjoy spending time with who are unfazed by what random people think of them.
I’m beginning this process myself and feel like I’ve made some great edits to my own circle lately.
3. YOU STOP APOLOGIZING FOR EXISTING
One of the things I notice about women that have passed through middle age that impresses me is their ability to be assertive without being rude. They are done with compulsive apologizing for taking up space, asking questions, whatever.
They are more likely to just say what they mean than worry about how it will be received. I’m working on this.
4. YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE
Pretending to like things you don’t? Nope, doesn’t happen.
I like this mindset. One of my friends told me that she stopped ordering things at restaurants that sounded fancy.
She now orders what she really wants. Feels like growth that I want to have.
5. QUIET BECOMES A LUXURY
As a parent of two children and a dog, I’ve always craved quiet. But it used to be that if no one was talking for long enough I’d start to feel like something was wrong.
Now that my kids are older I’m starting to realize that quiet is a precious commodity that should be appreciated.
6. YOU SPEND MONEY DIFFERENTLY
I’ve been frugal my whole life, but I’m starting to realize that there are ways I’d like to invest in nice things. Not necessarily spending less, just spending wiser.
7. TIME FEELS MORE VALUABLE
Whereas previously time was abundant and there was always room for one more thing, now time is precious and protected. They both mentioned that they’re more protective of their time and energy and make sure to carve out spaces to do things that fill them back up instead of activities that leave them feeling depleted.
8. BOUNDARIES GET STRONGER
Where once the word no would’ve been followed by an over-explanation and a lot of “but if you really want to I could…” statements, now the word no stands strong and proud. A complete sentence on its own.
Period. (hi, it’s me)
9. YOU LET GO OF GRUDGES FASTER
If you’re mad or disappointed, you might sulk for a day or so, but ultimately you realize that holding onto negativity only weighs you down and you’d rather be at peace. They both mentioned that you realize that most things aren’t worth losing sleep over.
10. SIMPLE THINGS ACTUALLY FEEL SPECIAL
You realize that experiences mean more than things. Why buy something to sit in the back of your closet/drawer and be forgotten?
Instead, invest in experiences. Also, you begin to find joy in the simplest of things, enjoying your morning cup of coffee in a nice, clean, quiet kitchen.
(Bonus: you don’t have to re-heat your cup of coffee three times because you rushed through your morning.)
11. YOU’RE MORE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN
The pressure to fit some sort of beauty or lifestyle norm diminishes and instead you realize that self-assurance and acceptance is so much more attractive and less exhausting.
12. COMPARISON STARTS TO FADE
People over 50 are much less likely to compare their behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel on a regular basis. Attention is more focused on making ourselves as happy as we can.
Trends in the moment, news, social media crazes…these things still exist of course, but aren’t dictating how people over 50 are living their lives. We’re marching to the beat of our own drummers.
13. HEALTH BECOMES A PRIORITY
I’ve seen couples who are incredibly focused on being healthy. Not in a crazy, out-of-control, crazy-diet and crazy-exercise kind of way, but in a let’s-focus-on-being-healthy-everyday kind of way.
And, they’re enthusiastic about it. I love that.
I’m envious of their energy and vitality. I appreciate others’ good habits.
And, I’m happy for them. I wish I could take it all in like they do.
It’s freeing.
14. MORNINGS FEEL CALMER
There is less rushing. Things happen on purpose now.
This means you actually enjoy that cup of coffee instead of reheating it three times.
15. TRENDS STOP MATTERING
They don’t know what they are and don’t care. Being able to ignore trends = freedom.
16. YOU LISTEN MORE, REACT LESS
Wisdom means you can appreciate the small things you didn’t used to catch. They think situations through, not react on emotion alone.
This means conversations are less emotional and more calm and meaningful.
17. YOU KNOW WHEN TO REST
I’m not sure I believe I deserve rest unless I’ve earned it. But my friends over 50 understand the importance of rest, recognizing that rest is essential and not just for when we’ve worked hard for it.
18. YOU LAUGH MORE (AND LOUDER)
We laugh louder and easier. Less inhibited.
Less guarded. More of the time.
19. YOU STOP TRYING TO FIX EVERYONE
This is still a work in progress for me, but my friends over 50 understand the importance of non-interference. We can breathe a little easier without everyone’s problems on our shoulders.
We create mental space that allows for clarity and ease.
20. YOU TRUST YOURSELF
We question ourselves less. We’ve been around the block a few times and are pretty confident we’re doing what’s right.
Which makes decisions easier.
21. HOME BECOMES YOUR FAVORITE PLACE
You don’t always want to go out. You’re good with staying in.
You create a beautiful, clutter-free, peaceful environment just for you. And it’s perfect.
22. PERFECTION ISN’T THE GOAL ANYMORE
Peace is the goal. Which means less stress and frustration.
More intentionality, beauty, purpose, and meaning.
23. YOU APPRECIATE HOW FAR YOU’VE COME
Gratitude is automatic. Problems don’t seem like problems.
Patience abounds.
24. YOU’RE LESS REACTIVE
It’s amazing how peaceful life can be when we’re not reacting to everything. When we keep our eye on the big picture and don’t allow little irritations to take us under.
When we release the need to be in control.
25. EXPERIENCES MATTER MORE THAN STUFF
You value time spent with loved ones more than things. And a bonus: Less stuff to manage.
26. PEOPLE COME TO YOU FOR ADVICE
It is a good thing to be valued for your life experience, because you’ve been there, done that.
27. YOU ACCEPT WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL
I know I’m still working on this one myself, but there is just something so peaceful about not worrying about the things that are out of your control. It’s unexpected, really.
You let go of the reins and feel peace.
28. YOUR HOME FEELS MORE INTENTIONAL
Everything has a purpose. It’s comfortable, has less stuff and the vibe when you walk into their houses is immediate relaxation.
29. CONVERSATIONS GET DEEPER
Small talk is fine, but it’s nothing compared to a conversation so deep, you’ll be thinking about it for days.
30. PATIENCE COMES EASIER
Well, easier is a strong word. But I’ll take any progress I can get.
31. GRATITUDE BECOMES SECOND NATURE
People in their 50s notice the little good things and appreciate them. It changes the way they move through their day.
32. THE SMALL STUFF STAYS SMALL
50-somethings zoom out enough to see the bigger picture so petty stuff doesn’t get the better of them and waste precious energy.
33. YOU BUILD A LIFE THAT FITS YOU
There’s less focus on doing something just because they think they’re supposed to and more thought given to what feels right for them. It shows up in almost everything they do.
34. REST FEELS DESERVED (BECAUSE IT IS)
Rest is something you can do without apology, overthinking it, guilt, etc. I’m looking forward to this level of peace.
35. RELATIONSHIPS FEEL MORE MEANINGFUL
They save their energy for the people that matter to them and only those people.
36. CONTENTMENT REPLACES CONSTANT WANTING
Wanting bigger/better/newer things isn’t a priority. Contentment is its own kind of power.
37. YOU FINALLY FEEL LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN
Some of my friends are already in their 50s and have told me that this is the best version of them. After all the life-building and kid-rearing chaos… they FINALLY feel like themselves again.
Their life is so much calmer. So much more confident.
Clear. I’m not rushing towards 50.
But I’m definitely excited for it. We all need something great to look forward to, and for me, it’s life post-50.